Lonely

Dec. 14th, 2010 08:50 pm
fangirlism_era: (Default)
[personal profile] fangirlism_era
Title: Lonely
Author: [livejournal.com profile] fangirlism_era 
Genre: Friendship
Rating: G
Fandom: KPOP/Shinee
Summary: Minho is afraid.

It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with them, it’s just that I want to hang out with many different people at the same time. I value all my other friends as much as I value them. I’ve been known as a friendly guy, the soccer jock, friends with everyone, known all over the school. But really, whenever I get dragged off by other people, I look at their retreating backs sadly, wanting to spend more time with them than anyone else. Honestly, I have closer friends than Jinki, Kibum, and Taemin but really, all friends are important and their mere presence is important to me.

It’s exam week and really, who needs to study when there’s Krystal to tutor you? Anyway, I spent the whole night talking to my girlfriend about English. Our first exam is English so I made sure to call her and listen to her talk in English. I just love listening to her talk.

I arrive early, as usual but not as early Wooyoung. I kicked him in the shin as a greeting then messed up his hair. Normal banter for us.

“Did you study?” I ask Wooyoung.

“Just a bit of the more difficult subject but not too much of English. You?

“More of English than the difficult one. You know me,” I grin meaningfully at him.

“You asked Krystal to tutor you again,” he deadpans.

I mess up his hair again before turning to the other empty seats beside me. There are three left. There’s loud talking in the middle of the room and I see one of my classmates walking towards one of the three seats. He turns to look at me and asks.

“Is someone sitting here?”

“Yeah, those three seats are reserved. They’re for Jinki, Kibum, and Taemin,” I say with a bit of poison in my tongue. I hate people who thinks they can control and manipulate everyone. He backs away immediately and goes off to find other seats for his group.

The door opens and reveals Kibum. I put on a happy face and greet him, sweeter than when I greet others. Kibum really is special. I don’t know why but I love hugging him and not care about what others think. When I first did that with him, Krystal got so angry with me that I had to buy her dozens of roses and chocolates for at least a week. But she’s okay with it now, she even teases us.

“Good Morning, Hyung!” I greet him in a cheerful voice.

“Good Morning, Minho. Did you study last night?”

“Kinda. Well, just a little bit. You?”

“Same. Just a little bit.”

We both turn to the door when it opens. This time, Nickhun came into the room and I excitedly talk to him as I relate everything that happened over the weekend. We’ve been friends since we were young so we have the same group of friends outside school. While I’m interested in sports, he’s very much interested in the arts. He’s had a fight with another friend so we go into figuring out how to make that friend forgive him. We have an upcoming event and that friend who studies in a different school now will come visit us. We talk about everything and nothing at the same time. It’s weird that we don’t hang out daily now that we’re classmates but it’s okay because I got used to her that I think I just need to branch out to other people more.

I’ve been so immersed in the conversation that I failed to notice Jinki and Taemin coming into the room to seat on the two remaining chairs. The proctors come in and we start the test, muttering silent good lucks before getting to work.

I always finish the test early so with the time left, I start thinking. Time always makes me think and sometimes, I get tired of it. Thinking, I mean. I have what ifs and what now that remains unanswered for the rest of my life.

Then I think about my friends. There are my classmates from last year. They’re all fun to be with but I get lonely easily. I only discovered this recently but even in a crowd, I get lonely easily. Yes, I keep lots of friends but when it comes to hanging out with them, I remain silent most of the time. Honestly, there are only a number of people who I can have fun with. And to tell you the truth, I’m afraid that the guys will get tired of me disappearing all the time that someday, they’ll eventually abandon me for someone who is always with them.

I get startled out of my reverie with a person passing his paper. I follow suit, got my bag, and out into the light of the sun.

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